


The Wild Swans

by buckywlnchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-25 04:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2608871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckywlnchester/pseuds/buckywlnchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is 16 years old and getting ready for his last year of high school. He seems pretty normal, except for the fact that he can't talk. Castiel has never spoken a word to another human being. Will Dean Winchester be able to change that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from a Hans Christen Anderson fairy tale about a princess who must take a vow of silence to in order to save her eleven brothers. i thought it was fitting.
> 
> the italics are notes written by castiel, just for clarification.

Castiel walked to his homeroom class just as he had every other day of this semester. The monotony of his senior year of high school was starting to wear on him. He walked the same halls every day, going to the same classes, listening to the same kids start drama and say stupid things.

Castiel didn’t say stupid things. In fact, Castiel almost never talked. It’s not that he couldn’t. He just couldn’t around other people. The doctors had told him it was selective mutism, probably caused by his sever social anxiety.

Castiel never talked, especially at school. He failed every speech, every oral exam, and every time his teachers called on him, he would just shrug and avoid eye contact. You’d think by now his teachers would have learned that no matter how hard they tried, they weren’t going to get him to talk.

His parents had taken him to speech therapist after speech therapist, but it was of no use. Castiel knew he could speak, in fact, he thought he spoke quite eloquently and he really liked his voice. But he only spoke when he was alone. He had never spoken to another person, not even his parents. He just couldn’t speak around other people.

When he was younger, his doctors tried to tell his parent’s that he was autistic, but after a lot of tests and research, every doctor came back to the same conclusion. Castiel wasn’t autistic. While he did have a rather intense social anxiety disorder, he was not autistic. Now on a regimen of anti-anxiety medication, Cas was able to go to school, go shopping, and just simply be in large crowded areas without feeling like he was going to die. His parents and doctors had hoped that with the decrease of his social anxiety, he would finally talk. But Castiel didn’t.

He was sitting in English, his first class of the day, staring out the window and wishing for the day to be over already. So the second Mr. Crowley announced that the class would be working on a group assignment, Castiel inwardly groaned as the rest of the class did verbally. Group projects never worked out for Cas. The whole not talking thing usually pissed off his partners, and he rarely ever helped with the work. It wasn’t that Cas wasn’t able to. In fact, he was actually exceptionally smart. So smart, that he skipped two grades, and was going to be graduating at 16.

But that didn’t make group work any easier. Mr. Crowley began explaining the assignment as Cas surveyed his fellow classmates. There was officially no one in the entire class that Castiel even kind of wanted to work with.

“Okay class, you will be divided up into pairs of two. You’ll be looking at 16th and 17th century romantic poetry. Stop complaining, it’s beautiful. You’ll each pick three poems to explain and discuss with the class.” Fantastic, Castiel thought. Of course there will be a presentation.

“Okay, Bella and Meg, you will be partners. Chuck and Ash, you will be partners…” Castiel listened, the fear rising in the pit of his stomach. Sure, he didn’t want to be partnered with anyone, but there were a few people in his class that he would rather die than be partnered with.

“Charlie and Jo, you two…” Fuck, Castiel thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck. There were only three people, excluding himself, who hadn’t been partnered yet. Michael, Luke, and Dean.

“Castiel and Dean, you two will be partners.”  You’ve got to be kidding me, Castiel thought, wanting to melt into the floor or evaporate.

“Uh, not to be a dick, Crowley, but how the hell am I supposed to do a presentation with the mute?” Dean asked condescendingly.

“Not my problem, Winchester. Figure it out.”

Of all the people Castiel did not want to be paired with, Dean Winchester was number one on the list. Dean was a jock, the captain of the football team and a self-professed ladies’ man. He was never outwardly a dick to Cas, not like some of the other jocks, but he sure wasn’t nice. He’d make a snide comment here and there around his friends, but mainly he just acted as if Castiel didn’t exist. And to Dean, he probably didn’t.

“Okay class, now I don’t care which poems you chose. Just make sure they are out of the book. I also don’t care when you do this, but know you will not have any time in class other than what is left of this period, so I suggest you get to work.”

Castiel didn’t move from his seat. Instead, he continued to stare out the window dreading the inevitable. While he wasn’t paying attention, Dean sat in the empty desk in front of Cas, and refused to do anything until Castiel looked at him.

“Okay, so obviously you aren’t going to be doing the presentation. So how do you want to split the work?” Dean asked, maintaining eye contact with Castiel, which made him incredibly uncomfortable. Castiel pulled out a piece of paper.

 _I’ll write up the entire thing. You present it. That way neither of us have to see each other outside of class._ Castiel wrote the note, handed it to Dean, and resumed staring out the window.

“Whoa dude, that’s a lot of work, and I’m pretty sure this is worth like a third of our grade. I’m not going to let you do this by yourself. No offense or anything, I’m sure you’re smart, but if I fail this assignment, I can kiss my football scholarship goodbye.”

 _Fine_ , Cas wrote, _then when do you want to do this?_

“Well I don’t have football practice tomorrow night, so why don’t you come over to my place after school and we can knock out as much as we can,” Dean said, smiling at Castiel, which one again made him incredibly uncomfortable. If Castiel had offered to do the entire assignment to anyone else, they would have taken it in a heartbeat. Everyone around the school knew that Castiel was a borderline genius. So then why the hell did Dean insist on helping?

Castiel nodded in conformation just as the bell rang. He picked up his books and headed to his locker without so much as a second glance at Dean. He definitely wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

When he got home from school, the house was empty. Not surprisingly, his mother had gotten called in to work an extra shift at the hospital. His mom was a nurse, and ever since his dad had died of cancer three years ago, Castiel’s mom was always taking extra shifts to cover the bills and work herself to the point that she forgot about his passing. After his father’s death, his mom had completely given up on getting Castiel to talk.

Castiel wrote his mom a note about tomorrow, letting her know that he wouldn’t be back after school, grabbed some food and headed to his room. He did homework for as long as he could stand before giving up and turning on his tv. He felt the need to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the millionth time, and since his mother more than likely wouldn’t be back until after midnight, he had absolutely nothing better to do. Castiel fell asleep about halfway through the second movie.

The next day, school went by far too fast for Castiel’s liking. He was really dreading having to go to Dean’s house. He was standing at his locker at the end of the day when suddenly Dean was leaning up against the lockers next to him.

“So, you take the bus right?” Castiel nodded, completely confused as to how the hell Dean knew that. “Okay, well then follow me, I’ll drive.”

Castiel followed Dean out to his car, still not entirely sure he was onboard with this plan, but powerless to stop it.

“We gotta wait for my brother Sammy to get out here. You can sit shotgun though, Sam will get over it,” Dean called over his shoulder as they approached his car. Everyone knew what Dean Winchester drove. A beautiful 1967 Impala. Every girl wanted a ride and every guy wanted to drive it.

Cas opened the door and plopped down in the passenger seat, admiring the leather interior.

“I hope you don’t mind classic rock, because that’s what we will be jamming to until Sam gets here,” Dean said, flashing Cas a smile that probably made every girl’s panties in the vicinity wet. Even Castiel couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful Dean was.

Before long, Sam was in the car and they were headed off to the Winchesters’. When Castiel thought of Dean, he pictured the American Dream: white picket fence with 2.5 kids and a dog, going to college on a football scholarship, marrying the head cheerleader, the works. So Cas was baffled when they pulled up to a rundown two story house with an overgrown lawn and a busted porch.

“Yeah, I know, my house is shitty. At least I don’t have to worry about you spreading rumors about it,” Dean joked, stepping out of the car. Cas followed Dean up the stairs and into his house, and man, the inside was even worse than the outside. There were dishes and clothes everywhere. It looked as if it had never been cleaned.

“I know it’s dirty. My dad is away on business a lot, so it’s just me and Sammy most of the time. Between school and football, it’s damn near impossible to keep this thing clean.” Cas wasn’t exactly sure why Dean was telling him all of this, so he just nodded and followed Dean to the kitchen. Castiel sat down at the table and immediately began to work.

“Dude, you hungry? I could order pizza or something. I hate doing homework on an empty stomach.” Cas just shrugged, which Dean took as a yes. As Dean went to order the pizza, Castiel got to work on the assignment.

“Jeez, you’re really going to town on this assignment. Take it you don’t want to be here?” Dean asked, laughing nervously, which confused Castiel greatly. So Cas pulled out a piece of paper and began writing.

_Well why exactly am I here? You know that I could do this myself and ace the assignment. Why do you want to help?_

“Well because that’s not fair to let you do all the work,” Dean replied, looking somewhat hurt.

_Since when does Dean Winchester want to help on an assignment, especially if it meant having to hang out with the weird, mute kid?_ Cas really had no idea why he was pushing the issue. He knew he should be grateful for the help, but he just couldn’t help but feel as though there was something more going on.

“Jeez, just take the help. What crawled up your ass and died,” Dean said, ending the conversation. Castiel just rolled his eyes and continued to do the work. Before long the pizza was here, and the two boys ate and worked on their respective poems in silence. After about an hour of silent work, Dean turned and faced Cas.

“Look, I know the kids at school are dicks to you, so you probably think I’m doing the same, but I can assure you I’m not. I just want to help.”

Cas looked intently at Dean, not believing what had just come from the older boy’s mouth. Reluctantly he nodded and got back to work. After a while, Cas noticed it was 5:30, and knew he needed to get home.

_Thanks for the pizza, but I need to get home. When do you want to continue working on this?_

“Um, how about tomorrow night? I have practice ‘til 5, but we could work after that. Do you want a ride home?”

_No, I only live a few blocks away, I can walk. See you tomorrow._

And with that, Castiel got up and walked out of the Winchester’s house, completely confused by the events that had happened. There were a lot of things about Dean Winchester that confused Cas, and he spent the whole walk home thinking about them. But the main thing that bugged Cas was why exactly Dean was being nice to him. No one was ever actually nice to Cas. They just tolerated him or used him because he was smart. To actually have someone, especially Dean Winchester, captain of the football team and infamous lady’s man be nice to him was just weird.

“How was studying with your friend?” Cas’s mom asked, without a hint of actual interest. Cas gave his mom a thumbs up and headed upstairs, still completely confused, but thankful for the silence and alone time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think writing mute castiel is now my new favorite thing. i have so many ideas for this, i have no idea how this is going to go. enjoy!

Castiel was sitting in his room and watching the clock anxiously. He had given Dean his number at school, and Dean was supposed to text him when he should come over to work on the project. It was already almost six, and Cas was sure Dean had forgotten about him, but not wanting to seem pushy, he just sat there and waited.

When he couldn’t take it any longer, he decided to go downstairs and practice piano. Cas had always been pretty good at piano, but now he was almost at a professional level. When he was younger, his parents thought that if they gave him an outlet for his anxiety, he might be more willing to talk. While piano did serve as an outlet for Cas, it didn’t help the other in the eyes of his parents.

But for Castiel, playing piano was almost like speaking. What he couldn’t express in words and phrases, he expressed in notes and melodies. In fact, that was one of the ways his parents were able to get him to express his moods. If he was happy, he’d play Mozart. If he was sad, he’d play Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” into late hours of the night until his parents wanted to strangle him.

Not long after six, Cas heard a car honk outside of his house. At first, he thought nothing of it, but the car kept honking, demanding his attention. After about the fourth honk, Cas looked out his window to see Dean’s Impala parked outside his house. Cas grabbed his stuff and headed out the door.

“Hey,” Dean said as Cas got into the passenger seat, “I just got out of practice and was wondering if you wanted to get something to eat before we head back to my place?”

Cas pulled out a piece of paper. _Sure, but how the hell did you know where I lived?_ Dean just laughed, “Food it is then.”

Once again Cas, was completely confused. How the hell did Dean know where he lived, and why did he just randomly show up at his house? I mean, maybe he just got his address out of the phone book, but then why didn’t he just say that?

Dean stared out windshield, keeping his eyes on the road and not looking once in Cas’s direction the whole ride to the diner.

“Hope you like burgers,” Dean said, still avoiding Cas’s eyes.

 _I do. But aren’t you concerned about being seen with me?_ Cas scribbled down and forced the paper in front of Dean’s eyes.

“Dude, really? I’m just trying to be nice.”

 _I don’t need your charity,_ Castiel wrote. He handed the paper to Dean and got out of the car, slamming the passenger door in the process. Cas felt tears beginning to form in his eyes, but he’d be damned if he cried in front of Dean. When he got to the door of the diner, he stopped. He didn’t want to walk in alone and crying, but he also didn’t want to wait for Dean. If Dean even came, that is. He was somewhat concerned that with the little fit he just pulled, Dean was going to leave him stranded here.

He stood by the door, immersed in his own thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Cas jumped back, startled by the touch, to see Dean looking down at him with sad, tear filled eyes. Why the hell was he crying, Cas thought. What the hell gave him the right to cry?

“Look, can we got inside and talk? Or rather I talk and you write?” Cas just shrugged his shoulders and followed Dean into the diner. Dean ordered a hamburger and Cas ordered a milkshake and fries.

While they were waiting for their food, Dean began, “Look, I know you think I’m a dick like the rest of my friends but I’m not. And I’m not being nice to you because I think of you as a charity case. I happen to think you’re pretty cool.”

Cas stared at Dean, bewildered. What the fuck was going on, he wondered.

“Yeah, I know, I’m the captain of the football team and a jock and whatever, but it’s not like that’s all I am. This is probably gonna sound kind of creepy, but starting last year, I used to have to take Sammy to his karate lessons since our dad is always gone. He can go himself now, but he couldn’t then. Well anyways, I would get bored waiting for him to finish, so I’d usually go sit outside and fuck around. After about the fifth time of going there, I noticed a little music place across the street. And holy shit, this sounds creepy, but when I was waiting for Sam, I would sit outside the music place. And I’d always see you in there taking piano lessons, and I would sit right outside the shop and listen to you play. You’re really good, you know that? Well I felt weird about it, but I always wanted to say something to you.”

Cas just continued to stare at Dean, utterly confused.

“I felt because of who I was, you’d think I was fucking with you or something. I didn’t intentionally go to listen to you, well not at first. After a while it just became a habit, Sammy would go to karate and I’d listen to you play. There were actually a couple times that I almost said something to you, but during school, you’re always so lost in your own little world. I think you’re really cool Cas, I just want to get to know you better.”

Cas stared at Dean for a while longer before pulling out another piece of paper.

_Are you being serious right now? Because if this is some sick joke, it’s not funny._

“Cas, I’m being completely serious. I wanna hang out with you.”

Just then the waitress brought them their food. Dean eagerly dug in to his hamburger. Cas, on the other hand, could barely stomach his milkshake. He couldn’t look at Dean, and Dean noticed.

“Damn it. Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry, I was just trying to be honest.”

 _No. I’m just confused. No one has actually wanted to be my friend before,_ Castiel wrote sheepishly, not daring to look at Dean as he read the paper.

“Oh,” was all Dean said, followed by a long pause. Reluctantly, Cas looked up at Dean, only to see Dean looking at him with a mixture of pain and sadness written across his face.

They ate the rest of their meals in silence, before heading back to Dean’s. Dean insisted on paying for Cas’s food, making Cas contemplate if he should jokingly ask if this was a date, but he decided not to press his luck. When they got back to Dean’s house they headed straight for the kitchen to begin their work.

“Jeez Dean, two nights in a row? You must want to bang this kid,” Sam joked from the living room as they got settled in the kitchen.

“I swear to god, Sam, I will beat the living hell out of you if you say one more word,” Dean threatened, obviously not finding the joke funny.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t tell, Dean. I doubt he’d want to ruin your reputation as the school’s greatest lady killer,” Same retorted before running upstairs to hide from Dean.

“Sorry about that,” Dean grumbled, sitting down and opening up his book to begin his work. Cas laughed under his breath, finding the whole situation funny. They worked for about an hour before Dean gave up.

“Dude, I can’t look at anymore poetry. I think my brain will explode. Wanna watch a movie or something?” Cas looked at Dean quizzically, not sure if it was a serious offer or not. He shrugged, his go to move, and followed after Dean into the living room.

“Alright, so what do you want to watch? I’ll admit it, I’m kind of a nerd when it comes to movies, so I got all the good ones.” Cas looked over Dean’s collection, smiling when he saw Star Wars. He grabbed it and handed it to Dean to make sure it was okay.

“Dude, Star Wars?! I assumed you had good taste in movies, but damn, you really out did yourself,” Dean said as he popped the movie into the DVD player. Cas sat down on the couch reluctantly, not really sure where he should sit. After hitting the lights, Dean came over and plopped down on the couch right next to Cas.

At first, the two of them were just sitting there, like two friends would. But as the movie progressed, Dean started inching closer and closer to Cas. Not sure what the hell was going on, Castiel didn’t move and inch, even stifling his breathing, which was starting to become a little laborous.

Soon Dean’s leg was pressed firmly to Cas’s. Castiel couldn’t deny that his leg felt on fire everywhere it was touching Dean. He tried to tell himself that he was just embarrassed, but he knew it wasn’t quite that.

Cas knew he was different in a lot of way. Besides the social anxiety and muteness, he like classical music and nerdy films. One thing he had never thought of, however, was dating. He just assumed that graduating at 16 and not being able to talk essentially sealed his fate of being single forever. He never gave it much thought, until now that is. Now, with Dean’s leg pressed against his, he could feel the butterflies in his stomach, but for an entirely different reason this time.

And that scared the living shit out of Castiel. For the first time in his life, he had someone who actually wanted to be his friend, who actually wanted to spend time with him, and he was going to fuck it all up by getting a crush on him.

Cas dared to look at Dean’s face. The angular nose, the brilliant green eyes. His eyes stopped scanning Dean’s face and rested on his lips, those pouty perfect lips. He continued staring for a while, completely oblivious to everything around him, so he was startled when Dean turned and looked him directly in the eyes. A little terrified, Castiel just stared at Dean, panic stricken all over his face. Dean just laughed and smiled warmly at Castiel and threw his arm around Cas, instantly replacing Castiel’s fear with confusion.

They sat like that for the rest of the movie, their legs pressed together with Dean’s arm around Cas. After the movie ended, it was well after ten, and since they had school tomorrow, Cas knew he should probably head home. He went to the kitchen to grab his things and Dean followed after him.

“It’s kinda late, I’ll give you a ride home. Wouldn’t want you to get kidnapped or something,” Dean joked, flashing a smile towards Cas. Castiel just smiled back and followed Dean out to his car.

The car ride home was filled with Dean singing Zeppelin and the top of his lungs and Cas silently giggling every time Dean hit a note wrong. When they pulled up to his house, Cas shot a thankful look towards Dean and started to get out of the car.

“Hey, wait,” Dean called after him. Cas stopped and looked at Dean waiting for him to finish. “Um, I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Night.” Cas just waved and headed up the sidewalk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even though it's not stated, i made cas's last name novak for simplicity's sake, so that's why his initials are CN. 
> 
> also, i was listening to my Beethoven pandora station while writing this, so that's why there is that random tangent about classical music 
> 
> this chapter contains a lot of adorable fluff, so enjoy :)

It was finally Friday, and Cas was excited. He was glad for the weekend, for a chance to spend some much needed alone time reading and watching Netflix. As he sat through Mr. Crowley’s lecture, however, he couldn’t help but glancing over at Dean every once in a while. And every time he did, he had to stifle a laugh since Dean was passed out and drooling in his English book the entire class period.

When the bell rang he got up and headed to his locker. He grabbed his books for his next class, slammed his locker, and almost shit himself when he saw Dean leaning against the locker next to his, smiling at him.

“Well hey there, partner,” Dean said, his voice still thick with sleep seeing as how he’d just woken up from his English siesta. Before Cas had the chance to react, Dean held out a piece of paper and a pencil to him.

_I’m good. Is there something you need?_ Cas asked since that was the only possible explanation he could think of as to why Dean was actually talking to him at school.

“Why yes, actually,” Dean said, laughing at Cas’s bluntness, “I desperately need to know what you’re doing Saturday.”

_Nothing_ , Cas wrote, eyeing Dean suspiciously.

“Good, because we are hanging out. I’ve got morning practice, but after that I’m all yours. I’ll text you,” Dean flashed Cas another smiled and turned to head off to his next class. Cas was stunned and stood in front of his locker until the bell rang, marking him tardy for class.

Even with Dean’s reassurance the night before, Cas didn’t actually believe that Dean was serious when he said he wanted to be friends with him. And now he wanted to hang out on Saturday? Cas just shook the thought from his mind and headed to class, trying not to focus on Dean.

Cas made it through his classes, but the second he got home, Dean was all he could think about. At first he just began trivializing over the conversations they had had, wondering if Dean truly wanted to be Cas’s friend. But soon, Cas’s thoughts turned to Dean’s lips, Dean’s eyes, Dean’s hands. Just Dean. He tried to block the thoughts out by watching some Netflix, but no amount of movies could keep the thoughts at bay.

Instead, Cas headed downstairs for his piano. It was his grandma’s old Steinway, still in perfect condition. To fully utilize his mind, he sat down and began working on a new Mendelssohn piece. He played and played, letting everything he wanted to say be expressed in the notes. He played until two in the morning. His mom had gotten off of work by then and was standing in the doorway listening to Cas play. He didn’t realize she was there until he had completed the piece flawlessly twice.

“It sounds wonderful, hun, but I’m tired. Why don’t you call it a night? You need some sleep.” His mom pressed a kiss to his forehead and went up to her room. With a sigh, Cas also headed upstairs and reluctantly went to bed.

Due to his late night, Cas didn’t end up waking up until well after eleven. He showered quickly and went downstairs to eat something, but found he was far too nervous about what Dean had in store for him today to actually eat.

Around one, Cas was messing around on the internet when he heard his phone go off. He instantly froze and almost felt like vomiting, but couldn’t help but grab his phone and read the text.

_Feel free to come over whenever. How does a movie sound tonight? The old theatre is having a reshowing of the Desolation of Smaug. –DW_

_That sounds great. I’ll be over in a bit. –CN_

Cas began pacing his bedroom, suddenly even more nervous than he had ever thought possible. The past two times he had hung out with Dean it had been under the pretense of doing their project. This time though, they were hanging out just simply to… well hang out. After about twenty minutes of doing his anti-anxiety breathing exercises and reminding himself that he and Dean were just friends, and that they would never be anything more so he needed to stop this silly crush, he started walking towards Dean’s house.

When the door opened, he was a little surprised to see Sam standing on the other side.

“Hey Cas, come on in. Dean’s in the shower, but he should be out soon.” Sam plopped back down on the couch and went back to watching some nature documentary. Cas hesitantly followed and sat in the recliner on the left side of the couch.

“Did you know that Dean never brings his friends around here? I’ve seriously never met any of them, besides you,” Sam said without taking his eyes off the documentary. “He really likes you, ya know?”

Cas just smiled to himself and stared down at his feet. “He’s not like everyone at school thinks he is. Not by a fucking long shot. If they only knew what he was like behind closed doors…” Sam trailed off as Dean began descending the stairs.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said, completely ignoring the bitch face Sam was giving him, “The movie doesn’t start til four, wanna go do something?”

“Jerk,” Sam called out after his brother. “Bitch,” Dean responded, grabbing his keys.

Cas got up to follow Dean outside. “I have no idea what that kid told you, but don’t believe a word of it.”

Cas pulled out a small notebook from his pocket. _It was all good things._

“Well that doesn’t sound like my brother, so I don’t believe you,” Dean huffed, only slightly annoyed. “I have no idea what we are going to do, I just couldn’t stand being in that house any longer.”

_I’m okay with just driving around_.

“Alright, sounds like a plan.” Cas and Dean drove around for about an hour, with Dean rambling on about anything and everything, before Cas’s ass started to hurt. He was also starting to get hungry, since he hadn’t eaten before he had went over to Dean’s, and the noises his stomach was making confirmed that.  

“I’m gonna take it you want food,” Dean laughed after about the fifth demonic noise erupted from Castiel’s stomach. Cas just nodded, stifling a laugh. They grabbed some drive through and drove to the nearest park to eat since it was fairly nice out.

“Hey, Cas, can I ask you something personal?” Dean asked as the two sat on the swings, eating their burgers and fries. Cas just nodded, feeling somewhat paranoid. “Can you talk? Like is there nothing wrong with your voice?” Cas grabbed his notebook from the ground.

_Yeah, I can talk. Sometimes I talk when I’m alone. But I can’t talk with other people around._

“But why? If you can talk, why don’t you?”

_It’s not as simple as that…_

“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be pushy. I was just curious,” Dean said, leaning back on the swing to stare at the sky.

_I have severe social anxiety and ever since I was a baby, I haven’t been able to talk around people. The doctors don’t really know why. I just can’t force myself to talk to people._

Dean nodded, and went back to staring at the sky. Cas, on the other hand, kept his eyes trained on his shoes.

“We better get going if we don’t want to be late,” Dean said, breaking the silence. Cas got up to follow Dean back to his car.

They arrived at the movie theatre with fifteen minutes to spare, and Dean insisted on using that time to buy a large bucket of popcorn, even though they had just eaten.

“You can’t go to a movie without popcorn, dude, especially not one as awesome as this!” Dean said, laughing as he saw the look on Castiel’s face when Cas saw just how large that popcorn really was. “Oh shit, I forgot to even ask, do you even want to see this movie?” Dean asked sheepishly as they went to find their seats.

_The LotR movies are my favorite, so yeah, I definitely want to see this_.

“Can you get any more awesome?” Dean laughed as he read what Cas had wrote.

Inexplicably, before the movie was even a quarter of the way over, Dean had eaten the entire bucket of popcorn. Cas was both impressed and kinda grossed out, but mainly he couldn’t help but just to laugh to himself. Since this was a reshowing, there were only five other people in the theatre.

Without warning, Dean put his arm around Cas and pulled Cas closer to him. Cas initially froze, not even able to form a coherent thought, but when he looked up at Dean and saw him smiling, Cas gave in and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder.

He spent the rest of the movie with his head resting on Dean’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure exactly what to think about it, but decided that for right now, he would just enjoy it.

When the movie was over, they went back to Dean’s house to watch some Netflix. Cas was curled up and laying down on the couch with Dean behind him. He was content with just having his back pressed up against Dean, so when Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, pulling him closer into him, Cas could barely contain his smile.

They stayed like that until midnight. Cas’s mom got home around one tonight, so he sat up to put on his shoes and head home.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Dean said and grabbed his keys before Castiel could write out a protest. Dean was silent the whole ride.

When they got to Castiel’s house, Cas was somewhat surprised when Dean got out and walked him to his front door.

“I had a lot of fun today, Cas,” Dean barely breathed out. Cas nodded, sheepishly looking up through his eyelashes to glance at Dean. Without warning, Dean reached up, cupped Cas’s jaw and kissed him on the forehead. “Goodnight,” Dean said, winking and walking back to his car.

Cas couldn’t even comprehend everything he was feeling. He felt like he wanted to vomit, cry tears of joy and laugh all at the same time. He walked up to his room, changed into his sleep pants, and tried to wind down from the amazing day he had just had.

When that didn’t work, he grabbed his phone and decided to check his Facebook, hoping that the mindless chatter of his peers would dull his senses.

His school had a confessions page, where people anonymously confessed all types of bullshit, and it made Castiel laugh since it was usually so stupid. Cas refreshed his page, and sat straight up as he read the first post. He could feel the bile start to rise up in his stomach and the tears start to form in his eyes as he read it over and over.

_Saw Dean Winchester and that weird mute boy at the movies today. Guess it turns out that the beloved captain of our football team is a raging faggot._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this gets really angsty and i am so sorry. don't worry though, there is plenty of fluff to out way the sadness.

Castiel had been pacing his bedroom for about twenty minutes. It was Monday morning, and he was going to be late for school if he didn’t get dressed and leave now. He contemplated faking sick, but knew his mother would make him go to the doctor and would be pissed when they found nothing wrong with him.

He hadn’t spoken to Dean since he had brought him home Saturday night. He didn’t even dare text him. Cas figured he would just go to school and ignore everyone, including Dean, like he always did.

The problem, though, was that no matter how hard Castiel tried, he couldn’t get Dean off his mind. Everything he did was tinted in the green shade of Dean’s eyes. But no, Cas thought, he couldn’t do that to Dean. He couldn’t force him to be ostracized like Cas had been his whole life. If anyone knew what it was like to be an outcast, it was Cas. And seeing as how that Facebook post indicated him as well, he pretty much knew their friendship was over. Mute and gay? He might as well just transfer now.

Cas walked into Crowley’s class just barely before the bell rang. He didn’t dare look at Dean, instead staring at his shoes and nothing else. The class was difficult, almost painful, to get through. The second it was over, Cas grabbed his things and headed for the door.

“Hey Cas!” Dean called after him, “Wait up!” But Cas didn’t. He didn’t even bother to go to his locker for his books. Instead, he bee lined it for the library bathroom, deeming it a fitting place to have an anxiety attack.

Cas was so caught up in trying to make it to the bathroom without collapsing that he didn’t realize he was being followed. The second he ran into the bathroom, he immediately dropped his books, slouched down on the floor and attempting to get his breathing under control. It was all for naught, however. As the seconds went by, his breathing just got worse. It felt as if his lungs were collapsing in on themselves. He couldn’t suppress his sobs any longer.

He was so focused on attempting to breath, that he didn’t notice someone was standing above him. He didn’t realize until the other had sat down, scooped him up and cradled him in his arms, that Dean had followed him into the bathroom.

“Shh… I’m here Cas,” Dean mumbled with his lips pressed into Cas’s hair. Against all logic, the very person that had caused his panic attack was now helping him come down from it. Cas wasn’t sure why, but he wrapped his arms around Dean, pressing his head into the crook of Dean’s neck. After about five minutes, it looked as though Cas’s panic attack was over.

“Wanna talk about it?” Dean asked, pulling a notebook and pen from his backpack. Cas crawled out of Dean’s lap and sat next to him on the floor, back against the wall. As he started to write, he could feel the panic rising again in the pit of his stomach.

_Didn’t you see the Facebook post? The whole school thinks we’re together. They called you a faggot. Why are you still talking to me?_

“Because I don’t care,” Dean responded with a pained expression on his face.

_But don’t you know what they’ll do to you if they think you’re gay?_

“I don’t care,” Dean repeated.

_How could you not care about people spreading lies about you?_

“Because they’re not lies.” Dean was staring at the wall, not daring to look at Cas anymore. Cas cocked his head in confusion and poked Dean, demanding an explanation.

“I like both guys and girls. But more importantly, I like you. I have for a long time, but I was too terrified to say anything, especially since I didn’t know…” Dean trailed off, still not daring to look at Cas. “If you want me to leave you alone now, I will, but I don’t care what they’re saying about me. And if anyone tries to say anything about you, I’ll beat the shit out of them.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s notebook and stared at the page for a while.

 _I like you too,_ Cas finally wrote and handed the notebook to Dean. It was only after reading those four words about twenty times at Dean finally dared to look at Cas.

“Really?” Cas just nodded and smiled, looking down at the floor as Dean kissed his forehead. “Well we already missed most of this class, wanna just sit here until next period?” Cas nodded again and scooted closer to Dean. Dean put his arm around Cas, pulling him even closer.

 

***

 

Cas spent the rest of the day in ecstasy, not really believing all that was happening. He had been so worried that Dean would never speak to him again that he never even entertained the idea that the opposite might happen.  Cas was standing at his locker, gathering his things to head home when Dean walked up to him.

“So, I’ve got practice and Sammy’s science fair tonight, so I can’t hang out, but what about tomorrow?” Cas nodded and smiled, not really sure what to do next. Before he knew it, Dean kissed Cas on the cheek and headed off to practice.

It was a warm day out, odd for this time of November, so Cas decided to walk home, taking a detour by the little music shop to buy some blank sheet music. He then decided to stop by his favorite coffee shop. They already knew his order, so it was easiest just to go there and get his usual.

He didn’t leave the coffee shop until almost six as he had gotten wrapped up in the book he was reading. It was already dark, but Castiel didn’t mind, especially since his house was only a few blocks away.

He walked back in the darkness, not really paying attention to all that was around him, when someone pushed him down from behind. Cas was more startled than hurt as he tried to get up, only to be pushed back down again.

“So, we hear you’re a fag now, huh?” A voice from above him taunted. It took him less than a second to recognize that voice; it was Alistair, which Cas concluded meant that Luke and Michael were probably there too. Alistair was not only the school’s biggest bully, but also assistant captain of the football team. He was massive and mean, and Castiel knew he was fucked.

“What?” Alistair asked as Michael and Luke began kicking him in the stomach, “Aren’t you gonna call out for your precious little boyfriend? What, cat got your tongue?” Alistair’s voice was oozing with contempt. Luke and Michael finally stopped kicking him. He felt Alistair ripping his head up by his hair, forcing him to look into Alistair’s eyes.

“So what the fuck did you do exactly to turn Winchester into a sissy little fag? Did you suck his dick? Did you let him fuck you? God, you’re disgusting,” Alistair said before punching him in the face, right hook after right hook.

Cas wasn’t exactly sure when he lost consciousness, and he wasn’t exactly sure where he was when he woke up. To his surprise, after he got past the insane amount of pain he was in, he recognized his bed. How the hell did I get here, he wondered, closing his swollen eyes since it hurt less.

“Oh sweetie, you’re awake,” He heard his mother say, “Here, take these pain pills, you’ll feel better. Now go back to sleep.”

 

***

 

Cas hadn’t been to school in two days, and he spent most of those two days drugged and sleeping. By Wednesday night, the swelling in his face had gone down enough that he could fully open his eyes. His nose was broken, and super swollen, and the rest of his face still bruised, but at least he could see properly.

His mom had stayed home for the past two days to take care of him. Tonight, she had to work the night shift, which meant Cas was going to be home alone for a long time.

Earlier that day, his mom had asked him what they hell had happened. He wrote about the attack, but said he didn’t know how he had gotten home.

“You just were on the porch, sweetie, I don’t know what happened.”

After sleeping for pretty much two days straight, Cas was pretty wide awake. He knew he should text Dean, should have texted him earlier, in fact, but he was nervous. What if Dean decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore? What if Dean had changed his mind about him?

Gingerly, he sat up in bed, and reached over to his desk to grab his phone. When he turned it on, he was assaulted with about 30 texts and 7 missed calls, all from Dean.

_Cas, are you okay? –DW_

_Cas what is going on, you haven’t been to school in two days? –DW_

_Alistair is bragging about what he did to you. Cas, please tell me you’re alright. –DW_

_So I beat the shit out of Alistair and got suspended. Oops. Please text me soon. –DW_

The last text was only sent about two hours ago, and it made Cas smile. Not really because Alistair had been hurt like he had hurt Cas, but more because Dean had stood up for him.

_Hey, I guess I’m okay. –CN_

Not even a minute later, Dean replied.

_Oh god Cas, I’m so glad to hear from you. Can I come over? I need to see you. –DW_

_Yeah, you can come over whenever. I can’t really get out of bed by myself, so let yourself in. –CN_

Not even five minutes later, Cas heard Dean running up the stairs to his room. When he got there, he opened the door, took one look at Cas, and started to cry.

“Oh my god, Cas. Fuck. What did they do to you? This is all my fault, I am so sorry,” Dean barely breathed out as tears streamed down his face. Cas grabbed the notebook lying on his desk.

_It wasn’t your fault Dean. They’re just jerks._

“Well I broke their noses for you,” Dean laughed shakily. Cas motioned for Dean to come closer, and sit on the bed. Moving hurt, but Castiel mustered through it and moved over, hugging Dean softly, so he wasn’t in even more pain.

Hugging back gently, Dean really started to cry, blubbering out apology after apology, saying he should have stopped it, he should have never let it happen, that it was all his fault.

Cas pulled away and looked Dean in the eyes. He knew he looked rough, he knew is face was bruised and swollen, but when he looked into Dean’s eyes, he forgot all about that. He wiped Dean’s tears away and guided Dean’s head to rest on his shoulder. He carded his hand through Dean’s hair as Dean continued to dish out unwarranted apologies. Cas just listened.

After Dean stopped crying and apologizing, Cas laid down back in his bed, and Dean followed suit. Cas turned on some random movie, took some more pain meds, and curled up next to Dean, holding his hand. It wasn’t perfect, and Cas was still in a lot of pain, but lying next to Dean made him happy.

He fell asleep like that, lying next to Dean, and when he woke up the next morning, Dean was still there. Cas had half expected him to leave in the middle of the night, but he hadn’t. No, Dean was still there, right next to Cas, sleeping peacefully.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made myself cry while writing this chapter because it is literally so adorable i can't even handle it. it's fluff. just pure fluff. 
> 
> im obviously not emotionally stable enough to be writing this. hopefully you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

Cas spent the rest of the week lying in bed and watching Netflix. Since Dean had been suspended for the rest of the week, every second that his mom was at work, Dean was lying in bed right next to Castiel.

It was Saturday, not that it felt any different to Cas since he had done nothing for five days. But his mom was working all weekend, and wouldn’t be home until Monday morning, which meant he and Dean had the whole weekend to themselves.

_How was practice?_ Cas asked when Dean got back to his house Saturday morning.

“Well none of the team will talk to me about anything other than football, but I guess it could be worse,” Dean said. Castiel just frowned, not really sure how it could actually be any worse.

_Don’t you miss your friends, though? They don’t talk to you anymore…_

“They were never really my friends, Cas. I mean, yeah I talked to them at school and practice, but never anything more. I never wanted to hang out with them like I hang out with you. But then again, no one’s quite like you,” Dean smiled and crawled back in bed with Cas.

Cas knew that he should probably do something a bit more constructive since he had be doing squat all week, but he just didn’t feel like it. The pain meds had dulled his senses for the past week, and he was now just finally getting them out of his system.

He looked over at Dean, and was about to write a note when he saw Dean passed out in his bed. Normally, he would have stayed and laid with him, but he was feeling too antsy for that at the moment. He carefully got out of bed and headed downstairs, deciding that he needed some quality piano time.

He sat down at his piano and started quietly playing “Clair de Lune” since it always cheered him up. He played through it a couple times until he worked out all the kinks, and decided to work on composing. Cas had always enjoyed composing, but felt very insecure about the pieces he wrote. He knew they weren’t too bad, but he just always felt like they could be better.

He had played through an unfinished piece a few times, fixing a couple notes here and there when he felt Dean wrap his arms around him, kissing his neck.

“I love listening to you play,” Dean said, arms still tightly around Cas. Cas patted the spot next to him on the piano bench, and began to work through the piece again. Dean sat down, watching Cas’s fingers work effortlessly on the keys.

They sat like that for a while, Dean just listening to Cas play. Cas loved the way Dean watched him intently, trying to hear every note. For once, Cas finally felt wanted, like he wasn’t a burden. Cas could feel the tears start to swell in his eyes, and stopped playing mid song.

“Why’d you stop?” Dean asked before he realized that Cas was crying, “Cas, what’s wrong?”

Cas didn’t respond at all, instead, he just stared at Dean’s lips. They hadn’t kissed yet, though Cas had been tempted so many times, even though he had never kissed anyone before. The tears were still softly rolling down his cheeks as Cas cupped Dean’s jaw with both hands and slowly leaned forward, kissing him on the lips ever so softly.

As quickly as the kiss had begun, it was over, and Cas let his hands fall from Dean’s face into his lap, staring at them to avoid Dean’s eyes. When Dean didn’t respond, Cas was starting to think he may have done the wrong thing.

But all worries vanished when Dean grabbed his face, forcing him to look into those beautiful green eyes. Dean smiled softly before kissing Cas back, just as softly as Cas had kissed him. As soon as Cas felt Dean’s lips on his, he grabbed Dean’s shirt with both hands, forcing Dean closer to him and deepening the kiss.

They softly kissed like that, bodies pressed close to each other for a while, smiling against each other’s mouths. Reluctantly, Cas pulled away and looked into Dean’s eyes, tears still falling.

“I know,” was all Dean said, pulling on Cas and forcing him into his lap. They sat like that for a while, Dean just holding Cas, planting kisses into his hair as Cas let the tears flow.

 

***

 

Cas was terrified Monday morning. It had only been a week since he attack, and according to Dean, the whole school had known what had happened. With Cas returning to school, that’s all anyone would be talking about.

Cas stood at his locker, hating the stares he was receiving from students and teachers alike, when Dean appeared out of nowhere.

“So, since the football season is over, I got coach to switch my training time to early morning, so I can take you to and from school,” he said with a huge smile. Cas tried to smile back, but he was so nervous, he almost couldn’t breath.

“Come here,” Dean said sensing Cas’s anxiety and hugging him, “I’ll be here the whole time, okay? I’ll sit with you at lunch and walk you to classes. I won’t leave you alone for those asshole, okay?” Cas wanted to be happy about Dean being with him the whole time, but that raised a whole new set of problems. Their relationship up to that point had just been speculation, but this, this would be conformation.

“I don’t care, you know that,” Dean said still seeing the worry written on Cas’s face. He was getting better and better at reading Cas, to the point that with just one look, Dean could tell everything Cas wanted to say.

Cas just nodded and followed Dean to English. The second they walked in, the whole class ceased talking and stared at them. Dean gave them all his dazzling smile, and walked over to the empty desk in front of Cas’s. Cas felt the butterflies in his stomach start to dance when he realized that Dean was going sit with him in class.

Cas almost never ate lunch in the actual lunchroom. Not having any friends or anyone to sit with, he usually just took his lunch to the library, if he even ate. Too often, his anxiety made him sick to his stomach, so he preferred not to eat and spend his lunch reading.

Cas wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to walk into the cafeteria by himself. He stood in front of his locker for a while, messing around with his books and pens, when he felt his phone vibrate.

_Meet me in the library? –DW_

Cas smiled and headed to the library, beyond thankful that he was able to avoid eating in the cafeteria yet again. When he walked in, he saw Dean sitting on the couches, eating a sandwich and messing around on his phone. Cas plopped down beside him on the couch.

“Hey there,” Dean said grinning at Cas, “I know you always spend lunch here, and I’m not too crazy about being gawked at again, so library it is.”

Cas looked at Dean quizzically and pulled out his notebook. _How did you know I usually spend lunch here?_

Dean just winked at Cas without an answer. Things like this seemed to be happening a lot lately. Dean appeared to know everything about Cas, from his favorite coffee shop to the route he usually took when he walked home. Cas wasn’t really creeped out, just confused.

_Just answer me. I won’t care._ Cas forced the paper into Dean’s face.

Dean sighed, “Fine. I know you think no one ever noticed you, but that’s not true. I’ve always noticed you. I would see you walk into that coffee shop you like. I would notice that you never came to lunch. I noticed that you always came here whenever you were upset or lonely. I’ve always thought you were insanely hot and mysterious, Cas. You just never noticed me.”

Cas could hear the sadness in Dean’s voice, but couldn’t figure out why. All the girls loved Dean, he was Mr. Popular. He was always surrounded by friends. People adored Dean. Well, they used to at least. Dean had tossed that all away like it didn’t even matter. Cas would have killed to have just one friend growing up, and Dean had dumped them all. Cas was about to ask why, why in the world Dean had done all of that, but it was as if Dean could read his mind.

“Yeah, I had friends, but I didn’t care about them. And they never cared about me. We got drunk together, played football together, it was nothing more. And even all the girls, every girlfriend I’ve ever had, it was just to fuck. I never cared about them. I haven’t lost anything. I’ve actually gained something by dumping those fake friends. I gained you. You finally noticed me.”

If Castiel talked, he would have been speechless. They had only been talking to each other for two weeks, and Dean had completely given up all his friends, all the girls, all the popularity, just to hang out with him. Hanging out with Cas was social suicide, and Dean just waltzed on in like he had been waiting his whole life for the opportunity.

Dean sat up and kissed Cas on the cheek before laying his head on Cas’s shoulder. He went back to playing on his phone, so Cas pulled out his book and began to read, resting his head on top of Dean’s. The two sat like that for the rest of their lunch period, not bothering to even acknowledge the stares and whispers of the other students.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, this is pure fluff. im in the christmas mood for some reason.
> 
> brace yourselves, however, because the next chapter gets angsty.

It was finally winter break and Cas and Dean were spending every waking moment with each other. Cas loved every minute of it, but it was proving difficult to find time to get Dean a present for Christmas, not that he had any idea what to get him.

He knew the basics about Dean: he loved cars, classic rock and nerdy movies. Anything more than that was simply speculation. Dean seemed to know everything about Cas, but no matter how many times he asked, Dean would never talk about himself.

A few days before Christmas, Cas had convinced his mom to take him to the mall to buy Dean a present. Unfortunately, part of the bargain was that Cas had to tell his mom just who the present was for. He considered lying and saying it was for a friend, but his mom always saw right through him, so he just gave up and confessed.

“You’re boyfriend?! Since when do you have a boyfriend?!” his mom exclaimed, definitely more excited than angry. “You’re telling me that you’ve been seeing this kid for over a month, and you haven’t brought him by for dinner? Well text him, because he’s coming over tonight!”

Cas was pretty sure that his mom was just excited that he wasn’t lonely anymore, which was good considering that this was the first time he had mentioned that he was gay. His mom might not be around much, and she might work too often, but Cas knew she just wanted what was best for him. He was thankful to have such an understanding mom.

_So in exchange for my mom taking me to get your present, I kind of had to tell her that we were together and now she wants you to come over for dinner tonight. –CN_

_I was wondering when that was ever going to come up. I’ll be there. :) –DW_

Cas paced in his room for the rest of the afternoon after he had gotten back from the mall. He had carefully wrapped Dean’s present and placed it under his mom’s fake Christmas tree. He had no idea if it was actually good or if Dean even would like it, but he had no other ideas.

He listened to his mom making dinner downstairs. As terrified and nervous as he was, though, he couldn’t help but be excited. He never thought he’d ever bring someone home, especially someone who made him as happy as Dean did.

When he heard the doorbell ring, he rushed down the stairs, thankful that his mom was so wrapped up in baking a pumpkin pie that she didn’t even hear the bell ring. The second he opened the door he flung himself at Dean, kissing him deeply.

“Well hello to you too,” Dean said with a laugh, following Cas inside. Cas reluctantly led Dean to the kitchen.

“Hello! You must be Dean,” his mom said, wiping her hands on her apron, smiling at the two boys.

“Yes ma’am. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Novak,” Dean replied with his infamous smile.

“Well aren’t just charming. Good work, Cas,” his mom joked, winking at him. Cas just rolled his eyes and drug Dean upstairs to his room.

“I think she likes me,” Dean said with a grin, bending down to kiss Cas. Cas once again just rolled his eyes and turned on the tv, waiting for dinner to be finished.

Dinner went rather smoothly. Cas’s mom asked Dean the standard round of questions, and Dean passed every test with flying colors. Cas left the dining room to go get the pie when he heard his mom ask Dean in a serious voice, “You know he’ll probably never say a word to you, right? We’ve tried to get him to talk for sixteen years, and he’s never said a word.” His mother barely breathed out the sentence, probably assuming Cas couldn’t hear her.

Cas couldn’t help but smile, though, when he heard Dean’s reply, “I know ma’am. I am very aware of his anxiety and how it affects him. I know it’s part of who he is, but it’s not all he is. He’s so much more than that.”

Cas thought he was going to start crying. Everyone he had ever met only saw him for his illness. They only saw his muteness. But Dean didn’t. He actually saw Cas. Castiel didn’t think he’d ever stop being amazed at just how wonderful and understanding Dean was.

 

***

It was Christmas, and Dean and Cas had agreed to meet up on Christmas morning. Cas was still apprehensive about giving Dean his present. Cas waved at Dean, watching him in the window, as he walked up Dean’s sidewalk. As much as Cas loved Christmas, he needed a break from his mom, so a walk to Dean’s had sounded perfect.

“Hey there, handsome,” Dean said, kissing him in the threshold. Dean’s house was rather quiet. Cas wondered if anyone was even awake yet. He walked in and sat on the couch.

“Well my Dad, once again, called and said he couldn’t make it, so I guess it’s just me and Sammy. I’m really glad you came by, it actually makes it feel like Christmas,” Dean said with a sad smile.

_Wait, it’s just you and Sam?_ Dean just nodded. _Well it’s just me and my mom, why don’t you guys come over? She’ll make way too much food. She always does._

“I don’t want to impose on your Christmas,” Dean said laughing nervously.

_Trust me, you’ll improve it. Plus my mom really loves you._ Cas smiled warmly at Dean.

“Okay, let me go ask Sammy.” Dean ran upstairs, and Cas could hear Sam’s response all the way from the living room as he texted his mom to give her a heads up.

“Really?! You mean we could eat an actual meal?!” Sam asked Dean, bounding down the stairs.

“Only if Cas’s mom is okay with it,” he said looking at concerned at Cas. His mom texted back saying that having them would be wonderful, so Cas gave them a thumbs up and headed outside to Dean’s car.

Christmas dinner went wonderfully. Sam and Dean were overly polite, Cas got to stare at Dean all day, and his mom made her famous apple cinnamon pie, which Dean just adored.

Cas’s mom had to work at three, which left him alone with the Winchester brothers for the rest of Christmas Day. They watched as many Christmas movies as they could stomach before plopping Sam in front of the Xbox so Cas and Dean could have a little alone time.

Up in his room, Castiel sat next to Dean on his bed, eyeing the gifts they each held in their hands. It appeared that neither boy wanted to hand theirs over first. Sheepishly, Dean finally handed over his gift, and Cas did the same.

Cas watched somewhat terrified as Dean slowly tore the wrapping paper off of the box. Inside was a bronze watch with a dark brown leather strap. The face of the watch was polished alabaster and each hand was made of ebony. Truth be told, Cas had spent over an hour trying to figure out which watch to get Dean.

“Holy shit, Cas. This is amazing. I love it.” Dean kissed Cas a few times before pulling back and kissing the tip of his nose. “Seriously, I love it.” Dean smiled at Cas, and any insecurities Cas still had vanished. Next it was Cas’s turn.

The small box wasn’t wrapped, so Cas slid the top off, and starting fangirling super hard. Inside was a small gold ring, inscribed in Elivish, and so perfect Cas couldn’t even handle it. Dean had gotten him a ring, but not any ring. No, Dean had gotten him THE ring. After Cas got his fangirling under control, he tackled Dean back on his bed, planting kisses over every exposed inch of Dean’s skin.

“So I take it I did well?” Dean said with a laugh, overpowering Cas and pinning him on his back. It was Dean’s turn to kiss Cas everywhere, and Cas was pretty sure he had never felt anything quite as wonderful. After a while, Cas grabbed Dean’s shirt and pulled him up to face him. The kissed, feeling each other’s lips softly against one another’s. Cas was pretty sure this was the best Christmas he could ever remember.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i have to say is im sorry and youre welcome

Cas was dreading tonight. It was New Year’s Eve and he and Dean were going over to the Harvelle’s Roadhouse. Jo, the owner Ellen’s daughter, was one of the few people who was still friends with Dean even after he and Cas started dating.

Cas knew that it was silly, but everything had been going so well for so long and his anxiety had an annoying way of fucking things up just when he thought he was doing good. And as much as he hated to think about it, a crowded bar with a bunch of drunks may just be the exact worst place for him to be right now.

Regardless, Dean had been so excited when Jo had asked him to come that Cas felt like he couldn’t say no. Dean had given up all his friends to be with him, so if one of them was still willing to talk to him, who was Cas to deny him that?

Cas and Dean pulled into the parking lot around ten. It was pretty early, but they planned to stay until midnight and then split. They both didn’t want to be up too late, but more than that, Cas’s mom was going to a party and they knew she’d probably be hammered when she got back, so that meant Dean could stay the night, especially since Sam had gone out with friends.

When they walked in, Jo greeted Dean with a hug and gave Cas a polite hello before venturing off to welcome some of the other guests. Thankfully, Jo had only invited a few of her friends, so there weren’t many people from school at the Roadhouse.

Cas followed Dean around the bar, listening to him talk with old friends of his Dad’s and other people he appeared to know. Cas held on to Dean’s hand the entire time, partly because he didn’t want to get lost, but more so that he was terrified that if he let go the panic would hit him. Dean always had a way of calming him down.

But following him around, seeing him interact and talk with people, there was a nagging worry growing in the back of Castiel’s mind. It had been there the entire time they had been together, but the longer they dated, the worse it got.

Cas knew that he didn’t deserve Dean. He knew that he was only holding him back, not allowing him to be the popular, social person he was. At least that’s what the voice in the back of Castiel’s mind told him. And it was growing ever present tonight as he watched Dean talk and laugh. Cas was pretty sure that he’d never seen Dean this happy. Not at school. Not even with him.

He tried unsuccessfully to banish the thought out of his mind. He tried, god he tried. But it was growing bigger and bigger.

Since they were underage, they couldn’t drink, especially since they were at a bar. Cas had never really wanted to drink before then, but as the night progressed, he wanted nothing more. After following Dean around for a while, he excused himself and went to sit at a booth in the back corner.

“You know he really loves you, right?” Jo said, pulling Castiel from his thoughts. Cas just stared at his hands, not wanting to make eye contact with her. “I haven’t seen him this happy since before his mom died.”

That caught Cas’s attention. He looked at her quizzically, but she just smiled softly and went back to work. As nice of a thought as it was, that he actually made Dean happy, he couldn’t see it. And for some reason, Jo’s comment only increased his anxiety.

He knew it was silly, everything he was thinking, but that didn’t change the way he felt. Cas couldn’t breathe in this place, so he decided to step outside. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but it didn’t work. It was cold and had started snowing, so he made his way over to the Impala.

Once inside, the tears just started flowing. He didn’t know why he was crying, he didn’t know what prompted it, but he couldn’t help but start sobbing the second he sat down in the backseat of the Impala. He curled himself into a ball, trying to fight the anxiety filling up in his chest, trying not to ruin the night for Dean.

He had only been in the Impala for a few minutes when Dean came looking for him. He wanted to cry out, he wanted to make some sort of noise to let Dean know he was here, but he couldn’t. He just sat there, unmoving, crying.

Dean must have noticed the footprints in the freshly fallen snow, because before Cas knew it, he was sliding into the back seat. Without a word, Dean gathered Cas in his arms, trying to hold him against his chest.

But Cas felt like he was suffocating. He pushed Dean away gasping for air. He tried to hold it back, but it won. He screamed, actually screamed and pulled on his hair, trying to keep it in. He gasped for air until he thought he was going to pass out, sobbing and pushing away from Dean.

The world seemed to stop for Cas. He couldn’t see anything through his tears. He couldn’t feel anything besides his chest clenching, begging for air. So he stopped fighting. Stopped fighting the panic, stopped fighting Dean. He stopped fighting the voice inside his head. Then everything went black.

When he came to, he found Dean wrapped around him, begging him to wake up. He just continued to sob into Dean’s shoulder, the sobs coming harder and harder. Before he even realized what he was doing, the words escaped.

“I’m so sorry. Dean I’m fucking sorry. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Please I can’t lose you. Please.” Cas just sobbed and sobbed, repeating over and over, the words flowing effortlessly. Cas felt Dean stiffen and start to pull away, but Cas just clung tighter. When Dean felt Cas pulling him to him tightly, he did the same, holding him closer than ever.

“It’s okay baby. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I won’t leave you. I don’t want to and I won’t. I promise,” Dean murmured in his ear, repeating his promise until Cas’s sobs stopped.

They sat there for a while, both silent, both holding each other. It was only after he had stopped crying that Castiel realized what he had just done.

It was past midnight by now, so Dean went inside to say goodbye to Jo and before long they were heading home. Castiel didn’t say a word, didn’t look at Dean. He just sat there, with his head against the window, staring out the windshield.

Cas flung himself down on his bed the second they were in his room. He was too weak to move, so Dean gently took off his shoes and pants before crawling into bed with Cas. Dean pulled Cas on top of him, holding him as tight as he had in the car, whispering sweet nothings into Cas’s ear.

They laid there for a while when Dean finally spoke up, “Do you want to talk about what happened back there? I can go grab your notebook.”

Cas wasn’t sure why, but he felt words bubbling against his tongue, and too tired to fight them, he gave in, “I had a panic attack,” he barely whispered. Once again, Cas felt Dean stiffen at the sound of his voice.

“Okay, why?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I’ve ruined your life. Like you deserve better. Like you deserve someone who isn’t mute. Someone who isn’t me.” Cas buried his face into Dean’s neck.

“Well correct me if I’m wrong, but you don’t seem to be mute now.” Dean waited a while, but when Cas didn’t respond, he continued, “you haven’t ruined my life, Cas. I haven’t been this happy in… well years. You’re amazing, Cas. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone who isn’t you. I wouldn’t want to.”

“Really?” Cas whispered.

“Yeah, baby.” They sat in silence for a while, Cas listening to Dean’s even, steady breaths to calm him down.

Dean cleared his throat before breaking the silence, “Cas, you know I gotta ask. Why are you able to talk to me right now?”

Cas thought for a while, not really sure how to explain it. “I don’t know,” he whispered, “I just can. Always before, it was like my throat was closed, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move my mouth or utter a sound. But I don’t feel that right now.”

Cas could feel Dean nod in response, obviously still trying to understand. Cas didn’t know how to explain it, or why it happened, but it did.

And despite the panic attack and the fear and dread still in the pit of his stomach, Castiel felt happy. He felt happy curled up in Dean’s arms. He felt happy being able to finally communicate, to be able to tell Dean how he felt. He felt happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here - have an adorable little fluffy make out sesh, because im about to utterly destroy these two in the next few chapters
> 
> (there will be a happy ending tho, so fret not)

Even though Cas had spoken to Dean, he didn’t feel completely comfortable with it. Sure, he used his voice when he needed to, but for the most part, Cas still stayed mute. The silence had comforted him his whole life, and while he was willing to work on it for Dean’s sake, he wasn’t about to completely give it up.

Ever since Cas and Dean had gone back to school after winter break, the weeks had somewhat blurred together. They had now been together for three months and Cas seriously couldn’t believe it.

Cas had started spending more time at Dean’s house, which consequently meant spending more time with Sam. And the more time Sam and Cas spent together, the more Cas just adored him. They were both super nerds, and ever though Cas never spoke to Sam, they were able to have some pretty awesome conversations.

The kids at school still weren’t totally used to the captain of the football team dating another guy, but it had become old news, and most of them just ignored the two boys altogether.

While Cas’s anxiety was still bad at times, he was having panic attacks less frequently and he couldn’t be happier. It had even gotten to the point that he would talk to Dean, unprompted and just because he wanted to. These times were still few and far between, but he was getting better, and Dean was beyond patient with him.

It was now a few days before Valentine’s Day. They had both agreed that they weren’t going to do anything special, but Cas still had butterflies in his stomach whenever he thought of the fact that he would be spending Valentine’s Day with the hottest guy in all of Kansas.

Cas was over at Dean’s, lying on Dean’s bed and visually mapping the freckles speckled across his tanned skin. He was pretty sure he’d never get over how hot and stunning Dean actually was. He quickly leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of Dean’s nose, making Dean laugh.

They had been sitting there simply staring at each other for a while now. Save for a few quick kisses, they hadn’t been touching at all, and Cas was getting impatient.

He lifted his hand and snaked it through Dean’s hair, savoring the look of surprise Dean gave him when he did that. Gently, he nudged Dean closer to him, and softly brushed his lips against Dean’s. Cas shuddered at the contact. For some reason, Cas received more pleasure from these tiny, soft kisses than he did when they would kiss hard and passionately. He wasn’t sure why, but every time he barely kissed Dean, when he would just ghost his lips on Dean’s, he could barely contain himself.

Dean wrapped his hands around Cas’s waist and pulled Cas on top of him. They made out lazily as Cas raked his fingers through Dean’s short, sandy hair. Cas pulled back and started planting kisses down Dean’s jaw line before making his way up and softly sucking on Dean’s earlobe. Dean let out a soft groan, as he always did when Cas did that, and Cas could never get tired of hearing Dean moan like that.

He brought his mouth back to Dean’s, softly biting at Dean’s bottom lip. Those lips that had been the first thing to really entice Cas. He could never get enough of them. Even when they were kissing like they were now, Cas never felt like he could get enough.

Slowly, Dean parted Cas’s lips, kissing him and sliding his tongue against Cas’s. Cas always relished the way Dean tasted. It wasn’t like anything Cas had ever tasted before, and it was intoxicating.

Cas couldn’t handle the soft kisses anymore. He needed to feel Dean, needed to taste him. Pinning Dean to the bed by his shoulders, Cas started to kiss Dean harder, roughly biting down on Dean’s lip. Dean responded back with the same urgency, snaking his hands through Cas’s dark, messing hair, pulling on his somewhat roughly.

They lied together, bodies pressed against each other, hungrily pining for each other’s mouths for almost an hour. They only stopped when their lips were red and bruised.

But Cas wasn’t ready to let go of Dean just yet. Instead he laid back against the headboard and pulled Dean’s head up to his chest. Dean almost always held Cas, but there were times like this when Cas just needed to feel Dean, needed to kiss his forehead while playing with his hair and rubbing his back. He loved taking care of Dean. He loved it when Dean nuzzled his head into Cas’s neck and softly kissed his neck.

He loved feeling wanted.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry, things get super sad in this chapter.

Despite their previous conversation, Cas couldn’t help but to get Dean something for Valentine’s Day. It was nothing special, just some chocolate and a cute little stuffed bear in a leather jacket. Despite how much Dean pretended to hate the holiday, Cas could tell that he was pretty happy to be spending it together.

They decided to just stay at Cas’s house and watch movies. Cas was making dinner, nothing fancy, but he secretly convinced his mom to make her apple pie the other day since he knew Dean loved it so much.

He was just finishing making the mashed potatoes when he heard his phone start to ring, and was pleased to see that it was Dean calling him.

“Hey,” he answered quietly. He really wasn’t feeling like talking at the moment, and was about to say that, when the sobs at the other end of the line cut him off.

“Cas, don’t worry. I’m fine. And if you don’t feel like talking that’s okay too. I just need to rant before I come over so I don’t ruin our date, okay?” Cas muttered out a quiet okay, becoming increasingly worried. He’d never heard Dean cry like this.

“My dad came back. After two months, my dad finally fucking came back. And you know what he said to me? He said ‘The fuck have you done to this place, boy? It looks like shit. You’re a poor excuse for a man.’ And you know how fucking hard I’ve tried to take care of me and Sammy. I didn’t even get a fucking hello. Just a reminder of how much of a disappointment I am.” Cas could feel his heart breaking a little more at each word.

“So I tried to tell him. I tried to tell him how hard it was to do all this by myself. But he just started yelling. He started saying how much of a failure I was. How shitty of a son. How it was all my fault that mom died and –” Dean abruptly cut off after that, sobbing softly on the other end of the phone.

“Dean, where are you?”

After a long pause, Dean finally answered, “I’m driving right now. I needed to get away from everything. I needed to be able to talk to you. God, I love you baby. I’m so sorry that I ruined our night. It’s just my fucking Dad, I can’t – ”

Then all Cas could hear on the other end was the screeching of tires, the crunching of metal, before the line went dead.

“Dean? DEAN?” Cas screamed into the phone, but the only response was the dial tone. Cas felt the bile begin to work its way up into his throat. He felt the sweat bead down his temples. He felt the blood rush from his head, causing him to collapse against the oven. He had no fucking idea what to do.

Shakily, he grabbed his phone and dialed 911. As much as the thought made him want to vomit, he couldn’t let his selective muteness win, not right now.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“I…I…” Cas started, attempting to control his breathing, attempting to calm himself down enough to speak.

“Sir?”

“I was just on the phone with my boyfriend,” Castiel barely whispered into the receiver, praying that the operator could hear him. “He crashed, I heard him crash. I don’t know where he was, but I heard him crash.” The tears were pouring down his face as he attempted to stay poised.

“Alright, sir. Can you give me his number? If his phone is still on we can track it. Is there anywhere he would be going right now?”

Cas gave her Dean’s number and thought, “I don’t know. He said he was upset and that he needed to drive. He didn’t say where. He was supposed to come here afterwards. I don’t know…”

Cas gave the operator his address and phone number so the police could start the search. He also gave her a description of the Impala so they could hopefully identify him faster. The operator promised that the second they found Dean they would call him. So Cas hung up and let the anxiety take hold.

His mother found him passed out on the kitchen floor, muttering Dean’s name over and over. She must have carried him over to the couch, because when he woke up he was wrapped in blankets, curled up against a pillow.

Before his mom could ask any questions, Cas’s phone started ringing. He was terrified, and knew he would never be able to speak, so he handed his phone to his mom, his eyes pleading with her to answer it.

“Hello,” She answered, confused at the random number.

“Hello, ma’am. I’m Officer Dawson, is Castiel there?” Cas could just barely hear the officer on the other line.

“I’m his mother, how can I help you, officer?”

“Well tell your son that we found Dean Winchester and an ambulance is rushing him to the hospital. He’s alive, but in rough shape. I suggest you get to the hospital as soon as possible.”

The second his mom hung up his phone, Cas was grabbing her hand and leading her to the car. She grabbed the keys and they headed out. Before they left the driveway, however, Cas typed out _Sam_ on his phone. His mother immediately understood and they headed to the Winchester’s.

Cas was out of the car before his mother had put it in park in front of the Winchester’s house. Castiel ran through the door, completely disregarding the older man who stared at him in shock as Cas searched for Sam. Not finding him in the living room, he ran up the stairs, praying that Sam was in his room.

He opened the door quickly without knocking and found Sam lying on his bed reading a book. Sam was startled by Cas’s sudden appearance in his room, but only had to take one look at the boy to know something was wrong.

“Cas, what’s going on? Is Dean okay?” Cas somberly shook his head no, his eyes pleading for Sam to hurry. Without a moments delay, Sam put on his shoes, grabbed his coat and headed downstairs.

“Where do you think you’re going, boy?” the older man called after Sam and Cas. Sam turned for half a second, staring at his father with a menacing bitch face, and called back “Fuck off.” If Cas’s adrenaline wasn’t pumping so hard, he probably would have stopped and laughed, but he instead he jumped into the passenger seat as Sam slid in the back.

On the drive to the hospital, his mom explained what she knew, which unfortunately was very little and Sam could tell by the look on Cas’s face that it was worse than she knew.

When they got to the ER, his mom sat them down in the waiting room as she went back behind the nurses’ desk to get all the information she could. Cas could see the color drain from her face as she listened to the other nurses explain what was happening. When she came back, Cas could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“Okay, so things are bad, but they could be worse. He has a broken leg, broken ribs, and a punctured lung. He also banged up his head pretty bad, so they’re worried about swelling and concussions. They are in surgery right now to fix the ribs and punctured lung, so that’s all they know for now. We won’t know more until he gets out.”

Cas could feel the blood drain from his face. He was terrified he was going to pass out again. Once again, he didn’t fight the anxiety or the sobs. He let his crying take him over as his mother sat next to him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing her son’s forehead.

“It’ll be okay. They are wonderful doctors. They will fix him. It’ll be okay sweetie.” His mom whispered reassurances in his ear, but they didn’t make Cas feel any better. So he just sobbed into his mom’s shoulder, letting the blackness wash over him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, I AM SO SORRY

Cas and Sam had been sitting in the waiting room for over seven hours. His mom needed to go home to sleep so she could be ready for work that night, so they sat, both silent, staring at the wall. After what felt like an eternity, Dean’s doctor finally came to talk to them.

“Hey Cas,” said Dr. Barnes. He knew Cas because of his mom, and was always very friendly. “And you must be Dean’s brother, Sam. Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is we were able to repair Dean’s punctured lung and set his ribs and leg. Unfortunately, Dean is currently in a coma. We are monitoring him, and he seems to be improving, but it’s just too early to tell. Usually, we only let family see the patient at this time, but I owe your mom a favor, Cas, so you boys can both go in. Just understand that he won’t be able to respond. However, many patients report that even when they are in comas, they could still hear their loved ones speaking to them, so feel free to talk.”

With that, the Dr. Barnes led the boys to Dean’s room. Cas hadn’t seen Dean yet and was in no way prepared for what he saw. Dean’s entire face was bruised and swollen. His hair was matted back since not all of the blood cleaned out of it yet. He was covered in scrapes and large gouges. His leg was set in a large cast. Cas had to hold back the tears.

Cas and Sam sat with Dean a while in silence, both boys trying to comprehend all that was happening. After a while, Sam started to talk to Dean, random things about dad and some girl Jess that Sam liked. Cas just listened, staring at Dean, trying not to let the anxiety win this time. After a while, Sam went out to the waiting room, figuring it was time to call their dad and let him know what was going on.

With Sam out of the room, Cas began to talk. “Hey baby, I’m here. Sam and I are here, you’re not alone. Please be okay, I need you to be okay. I love you Dean. I heard what you said on the phone, I heard you say you loved me, and I need you to know that I love you too. You’re the most important person in my life. Please be okay Dean, please.”

By the time Cas finished all he had wanted to say, he was softly crying with his head in his hands.

 

***

 

It had been six days. Six days of waiting. Six days of minimal sleep and even less food. Six days of crying and begging Dean to wake up.

The doctors said his brain was swelling and in order to fight back, his brain was keeping him in a coma. Cas knew that it was good that Dean was fighting back. He knew he should at least be thankful for that, but he was tired and scared and just wanted to be able to hold Dean. He just wanted to be able to tell him it was okay, to kiss his lips and actually get a response.

John Winchester had come by the first day, stayed for about an hour, and decided that since Dean was not awake there was no need to be there. He hadn’t come back since.

Cas couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t understand how cold and unloving John had been. His son may never wake up, his son may never be okay, and yet sitting at the hospital with him was too much of a burden. Cas found out from Sam on the fourth day that John had left town again.

Since Sam was alone with Dean in the hospital and John working, he had been staying at Cas’s. At first, it was a little weird, since he and Sam still weren’t all that close. But after a few days, it felt as if Sam staying with them was completely normal.

His mom had forced him to go to school, so he went. He paid little attention to the lectures, but he did his work and showed up and no one expected much more than that from him. The school knew the situation, and his mom had promised him that she would pull him out of class the second Dean woke up.

Cas knew he must have looked like shit. As soon as school was out to however long the nurses would let him stay, Cas sat by Dean’s bedside, softly talking to him and holding his hand. He knew there was a chance that Dean may not even hear him, but the small chance that said he could was all Cas needed to keep him talking, to help him not go mute.

The doctors claimed that Dean was still recovering, but he could see the nervousness in their eyes. It had been almost a week with no improvement. Cas was starting to get even more worried.

He was sitting at Dean’s bedside again. It was just past seven and the nurse had just left from her rounds, so Cas quietly shut the door and pulled out the first Lord of the Ring’s book. He had gotten into a habit of reading to Dean when the two were alone. The second the door opened, he would stop, but as long as they were alone, Cas read on.

He read softly, barely audibly, with one hand holding on to Dean’s. He laced their fingers, rubbing circles onto the back of Dean’s hand and absentmindedly playing with Dean’s fingers. He read until the nurses kicked him out and sent him home, where he found Sam passed out on the couch. He had gone to the hospital earlier in the day and had walked back to Cas’s to work on some homework. Sam was strong. Even despite all the shit that he was going through, he kept his grades up and worked hard, no doubt trying to make Dean proud.

He was always trying to make Dean proud.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i seriously had no intention of writing smut in this chapter. but i did. although probably not very well. anyways, enjoy the smut.

After a million notes and a lot of begging, Cas finally convinced his mom to pull him out of school early. It had now been two weeks, and Dean still hadn’t woken up. Fourteen days of crying and reading. He just wanted to spend as much time with Dean as possible.

He got to the hospital around noon, pulling out the third Lord of the Rings books. He was almost finished with the series and had no idea what to read Dean next. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

He was peacefully reading when Dean’s monitor’s started going off. Before he even realized what was happening he was being pushed out of the room as a bunch of nurses and doctors rushed in. He made his way over to the chairs in the waiting room, not entirely sure if what was happening was real or not. Dean’s condition hadn’t improved over these last two weeks, but it also hadn’t gotten worse. To see, to hear that monitor going crazy, Cas couldn’t breathe.

He sat in the waiting room for a while, nervously chewing his bottom lip. After about twenty minutes, Dr. Barnes came out to talk to him.

“Dean suffered a mild seizure. Nothing to be too concerned about, it’s normal with head trauma victims. But…” Dr. Barnes stopped, causing Cas’s breathe to hitch, “he just woke up. You can go see him now.”

Cas was running down the hallway to Dean’s room before Dr. Barnes had even finished his sentence. He was so excited, so ecstatic that he couldn’t breathe. He ran into the room, almost knocking down a nurse in the process.

“Well hey there hot stuff.” Dean’s voice sounded rough and scratchy from lack of use and Cas couldn’t help but to laugh. He made his way over to Dean and gingerly wrapped his arms around him. Feeling Dean wrap his arms around him, Cas couldn’t hold back the tears.

“Why are you crying baby? I’m okay.” Dean kissed Cas’s temple and nuzzled his nose into the side of Cas’s face.

“You’re okay. Oh my god, you’re okay.” Cas just cried. It had been so long. Cas hadn’t known if Dean would ever wake up. “I love you Dean. Oh god. I thought I had lost you. I love you, I love you.” Cas couldn’t stop himself from rambling.

“I love you too baby.” Dean pulled Cas up to face him, and Cas couldn’t help but notice just how worn out he look. He gave Dean a few quick kisses before sitting back down in his chair. “You need to rest Dean. I’ll let Sam know you’re awake. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Dean just nodded and shut his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly. Cas pulled out his phone and let his mom and Sam know that Dean was awake. Cas couldn’t help but smile as he watched Dean peacefully sleep.

 

***

 

Dean woke up again with Cas and Sam sitting on either side of his bed. The second Dean’s eyes fluttered open, Sam was pouncing on him, wrapping him into a tight hug. Cas laughed as he watched Dean wince in pain, but Dean just hugged back harder. Cas felt the tears well up in his eyes again. He was so glad to be a part of this family.

The next week went by slowly. Dean’s doctors were hesitant to let Dean check out, afraid he might have another seizure. So Cas continued his days of sitting by Dean’s beside, even reading to Dean when they were alone.

“You know I could hear you right? I heard everything you said to me. Every word you read.” Cas looked up from the book and smiled, kissing Dean’s cheek before continuing to read. They went through two more books before Dean was released.

Since John was still MIA, Dean and Sam couldn’t go home with the condition Dean was still in. Cas convinced is mom to let the boys stay with them on the condition that both he and Sam had to keep up on their homework. It killed Cas to go to school every day knowing that Dean was at home waiting for him.

Dean had now been out of the hospital for about a week. He was getting better, finally able to make it to the bathroom and back by himself. He spent the time Cas was at school doing homework and trying to catch up on everything he had missed.

When Cas got home that day, he found Dean passed out in his bed. They had given Sam the spare bedroom, so Dean was sleeping with Cas, much to Cas’s enjoyment. He didn’t want to wake Dean, so he quietly went to his desk to start his homework. He was about halfway through his homework when Dean woke up.

“Hey baby,” Dean said, his voice thick with sleep. Cas stopped his homework and walked over to the bed, crawling under the covers to lay on top of Dean. Dean’s ribs and leg were both healed, and although he was still super sore, Cas figured he could handle his weight on top of him.

“Hi,” Cas said, face to face with Dean, staring deep into his eyes. “I missed you today. School sucks without you.”

“Well I’ll be going back next week so no worries.” Dean kissed Cas softly. Since Dean had woken up in the hospital, he had been surrounded by nurses, Sam and Cas’s mom. The only time they got to be together alone was when Sam was at drama club after school and Cas’s mom was out. Unfortunately, this past week there hadn’t been a lot of that. This was the first time they had been completely alone, and they knew they would be for a few hours.

“So….” Cas began. He knew what he was proposing might be weird and that Dean might not be up for it, especially if he was still in pain, but Cas had been waiting for so long. He wanted to taste Dean, all of Dean. He wanted to claim all of Dean as his.

“What’s up baby? You look like your about to tell me you just killed a man.” Dean laughed, but Cas was still nervous.

“How are you feeling? Are you still super sore? Do you want me to get off of you?”

“No I feel better than I have since, well before the accident. A little weak, but I feel good. Why?”

“It’s nothing…” Cas tried to maintain his cool, but ultimately failed, and he could tell that Dean saw right through him.

“Is everything okay, Cas? Really?”

“Yeah everything is fine. It’s just…well we are gonna be alone for the next few hours and…” Cas was starting at Dean’s chest, drawing little shapes into his bare skin with his fingertips since Dean almost never wore shirts around the house. Cas loved it.

When Dean didn’t respond, Cas tentatively look up. Dean was given him an expression that was a mix of both awe and lust. “I mean, I don’t know, it’s just a thought…” Cas said as he went back to drawing shapes on Dean’s chest.

“Well, what did you have in mind babe?” Dean gave him a mischievous look. Instead of responding, Cas cupped Dean’s jaw with both hands and began passionately kissing him. It took less than a second for Dean to respond, tangling one hand into Cas’s brown mess of hair and the other slipping up his shirt to rest on his lower back. Cas quickened the kiss, biting down on Dean’s lip and forcefully jamming his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean groaned back against Cas’s lips, letting Cas do whatever he wanted to his mouth.

They continued to make out hot and heavy until Cas couldn’t take it any longer. He broke the kiss to peel off his shirt, relishing the skin on skin contact. Instead of returning back to Dean’s mouth, he began planting wet, slopping kisses onto Dean’s jaw line, and slowly started working his way down Dean’s neck.

When he got down to Dean’s collar bone, Cas sucked hard leaving marks all along it. Dean softly moaned as Cas sucked mark after mark onto his chest. But Cas just continued to go lower, stopping briefly to lightly lick each of Dean’s nipples before kissing his perfectly toned abs. God he loved Dean’s body.

He continued planting kisses all over Dean’s stomach as he clumsily undid Dean’s belt. He whipped it off and started pulling down Dean’s pants. Dean kicked them the rest of the way off, leaving him in his boxer briefs.

Cas continued to plant kisses on Dean’s stomach as he began to palm Dean through his underwear, earning moans from Dean in response. Cas could have came right then and there, listening to Dean’s wanton groans.

Hesitantly, Cas brought his kisses lower and lower, until he was kissing along the edge of Dean’s boxers. He had never done this before, but figured it couldn’t be that hard. He tentatively pulled down Dean’s boxers, leaving him naked, cock exposed. Before Cas could do anything, Dean spoke up, “Nuh uh. If I’m naked, you’re naked.”

Cas looked away shyly, but agreed and stripped off his pants and underwear. Cas slid down and kissed Dean’s thighs, loving the little whimpers Dean was making the more he teased him. Tentatively, Cas kissed the head of Dean’s cock. The sound that came from Dean’s mouth was pure lust, and Cas loved it.

Bored of teasing Dean, Cas took Dean completely in his mouth, earning a sound of shock from the other boy. He carefully worked his tongue, getting used to the feeling of having Dean in his mouth. At first, he wasn’t sure, but the more he played with the head of Dean’s penis, the more he was sure that he loved the taste of Dean on his tongue.

He wasn’t exactly sure where to go from here, but hesitantly started bobbing his head up and down. The faster he went and the more he sucked, the more noises Dean was making, so he figured he must be doing something right.

“Oh my god Cas. Oh my god. I’m gonna… fuck Cas… gonna come,” Dean panted, coming undone under Cas. Cas was caught off guard at first, but instinctively swallowed every last drop Dean gave him.

“Holy shit Cas. Where the fuck did you learn to do that. That was the best blow job I have ever had. Holy fuck.” Dean panted, still coming down from his orgasm. Cas just smiled and kissed Dean on his cheek. He was painfully hard, but didn’t want to say anything to Dean.

But Dean sat up and pushed Cas down on his back, quickly seating himself between Cas’s legs. Gently, Dean started kissing Cas’s stomach, making a trail down his abs. He stopped at Cas’s thighs, sucking a few times to make a mark. Cas had never felt anything so wonderful as Dean’s mouth, kissing and sucking all over him.

Dean, always the impatient one, didn’t tease for long. He licked a stripe from the base of Cas’s dick to his head, causing Cas to moan in bliss. He sucked on Cas’s head, slowly swirling his tongue around it, causing more moans from the boy. Without warning, Dean deep throated Cas, nose buried in his pubic hair, and hummed.

That was all it took to send Cas over the edge, cursing and swearing up a storm, praising Dean as he rode wave after wave of pleasure that coursed through his body. He was still in complete bliss when Dean crawled up the bed and curled up onto Cas’s body.

“You need to have ideas like that more often,” Dean said kissing Cas’s cheek. Cas just wrapped his arms around Dean, feeling Dean’s strong muscles under his hands. It had been over three months and Cas still wasn’t adjusted to just how hot Dean was. He nuzzled his nose into Dean’s hair, and they laid there together for a while.

Finally, they got up and got dressed, seeing as how Sam would be back from drama club soon. Cas went back over to his desk to finish his homework as Dean clicked on the tv. He found himself staring at Dean more than at his homework.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am much, much better at writing fluff than smut so expect a lot of adorable sappy fluffiness in the future. probably some more angst too, just to keep the story going. im not sure how much more im going to write with this, but for sure a few more chapters

Castiel wanted to puke. It was Monday and Dean was back for his first day of school after a month of recovery. Walking into the school, the two were greeted by fake concern and friendship, some even going so far as a few girls that said they worried and cried when they found out about the accident. It made Cas sick.

Not so much the concern, but the obvious factiousness of it all. None of these people were there for Dean when he and Cas had started dating. They ostracized him, looked at him as though he were disgusting. And now? Well now they all wanted to act like they were his best friend. Like they had any idea what it was like to sit at his bedside for two weeks, sobbing, not knowing if Dean would ever wake up.

Dean noticed Cas’s aggravation right away and intertwined their hands as they walked to their lockers. Cas held Dean’s hand so hard that Cas thought he might leave a bruise. He knew Dean had never seen him this angry.

When they got to Cas’s locker after shaking off a few girls that were latched on to Dean, describing to him just how painful it was to know he was in the hospital hurt, Dean wrapped Cas in a tight hug.

“Yeah, they are fucking pissing me off, too,” Dean said, obvious contempt in his voice. Dean nuzzled his nose into Cas’s hair and kissed the top of his head. “I can’t wait for this to be over, so they can continue to ignore me like they have been for the past few months.”

Cas held on to Dean tighter, not wanting to go to class, no wanting to have to see or hear anymore bullshit from Dean’s fake friends. Even his old football buddies were acting extra nice.

“Come on babe, gotta go to Crowley’s. I promise, that when this day is over, we will make out for like an hour and forget all this shit.” Dean smiled brightly, staring deep into Cas’s eyes before giving him a quick kiss. As much as Cas was hating all of this, he couldn’t deny that it was amazing to have Dean back at school again.

Cas spent the class period staring at Dean’s back, Dean’s strong shoulders, Dean’s short sandy blond hair. There were definitely perks to sitting behind Dean, although the downside was that Cas didn’t hear a word of Mr. Crowley’s lecture. They didn’t have any more classes together, and Cas wouldn’t see Dean until lunch. The thought of having to be without Dean for that long, the thought that there would probably be girls hanging off him and people spilling their fake condolences made Cas even more angry.

When his morning classes were finally over, Cas went to the library to meet up with Dean. When he went to their usual meeting place, however, Cas found the couches empty and immediately began to worry. He pulled out his phone to text Dean, only to see that Dean had texted him first.

_I’m hiding in the library bathroom. Please come save me. :( -DW_

Cas silently laughed and made his way to the bathroom to see what was going on. When he got to the door, he was greeted by a group of four girls, all patiently waiting for whom he assumed was Dean. When Cas walked in he saw Dean’s face go from pissed and annoyed to relieved.

“Oh my fucking god, Cas. They won’t leave. They’re still out there, aren’t they? Why won’t they just leave me alone?” Dean looked to be almost in tears, but for some reason, Castiel couldn’t help but to start laughing.

“Cas, the fuck? Why are you laughing? I’m being mobbed by females. I’m like fucking Justin Bieber.” That only made Cas laugh harder, which eventually led to Dean laughing. And as both of them laughed, they sat down on the floor, Cas crawling into Dean’s lap and wrapping their arms around each other, just like that first time so many months ago.

“I love you, Cas. You know that, right?” Dean said, planting kisses into Cas’s hair. Cas almost never spoke to Dean at school, but he deemed this a fit exception. “I love you too,” Cas whispered back. They sat like that together until lunch was over.

“Will you walk to class with me and hold my hand and be super gay with me so maybe they’ll leave me alone?” Dean said, only half joking. Cas just smiled and intertwined his fingers with Dean’s, earning glares from the girls as they walked out of the bathroom. Cas was pretty proud to say that the hottest guy in the high school, the hottest guy in all of Kansas probably, was all his.

The rest of the school day went by thankfully quick, and Cas and Dean walked home in the brisk March air. Dean’s car had been totaled in the accident and was taken to his Uncle Bobby’s so that it could be fixed up. However, that was probably going to take a while, so until then they were forced to walk to and from school.

Sam had drama club and a study date with Jess, so Cas decided to take Dean the long way home so they could go to his coffee shop. They got their drinks and sat down at a small table by the window.

“If those girls come near me tomorrow, I’m gonna have to start hardcore making out with you in the hallway to get them to understand just how uninterested I am.” Cas laughed and pulled out his trusty notebook.

_I’m not even sure that would work with them. I don’t blame them though, you are so ridiculously hot. If you weren’t already mine I would probably join their Dean Winchester fan club._

Dean choked on his coffee as he read Cas’s reply, trying to hold back his laughter enough to swallow. “You could be the president,” he said, winking.

_Maybe I’ll propose that to them tomorrow. We could have weekly meetings._

Cas and Dean sat there, talking and watching the sun go down, until they decided that they were both hungry enough to go make dinner. They left the coffee shop and headed towards Castiel’s house.

“Well, well, well. Long time, no see, aye boys? How are my two favorite little fags?” Both boys knew in an instant who that voice belong to. Alistair.

“Yeah, it has been. How’d the broken nose heal? Looks a bit fucked up to me,” Dean spit back, not even bothering to stop walking. Out of nowhere, Michael and Luke were suddenly in front of them with Alistair coming up from behind.

“Really? You’re gonna jump us? I kicked your guys’ asses once. What makes you think you won’t end up with broken noses again?” Dean was obviously pissed, spitting out each word like venom.

“Well, let’s just say we don’t think you’ll hurt us if we have the advantage,” Alistair said as Michael and Luke grabbed Castiel, pinning his arms behind him.

“Okay, what the fuck do you want, Alistair. If you lay a hand on him, I will personally break each of your arms.” Cas had never seen Dean so furious.

“I just want to have a chat, Deano.” Alistair grinned.

“Okay, let Cas go and we can have a fucking chat.”

“Not gonna happen,” Alistair said, turning around. Before Cas realized what was happening, Dean punched Alistair in the head, knocking him out cold instantly. He turned around and faced the stunned Michael and Luke.

“I believe you remember what happened last time. Now take your fucking hands off him before I rebreak your fucking noses.” Michael and Luck instantly unhanded Cas, shoving him towards Dean and running to check on Alistair.

“Now babe, I believe I promised you this morning that there would be lots of making out when we got home,” Dean said grabbing Cas’s hand. “Let’s get out of here."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent updated in a few days. i had writers block, so i tried to write a stucky fic, which i also go writers block on, so i finally decided to come back to this one. i am seriously struggling.

The weeks started going by quickly. Sam and Dean finally moved back to their house, much to Cas’s dismay, and things had gotten back to normal. It was only a few weeks before graduation and Cas and Dean hadn’t discussed their plans for the future. Well, Cas attempted to discuss it, but every time he asked, Dean shot him down, saying that he didn’t want to have that talk right now.

They were sitting in Castiel’s room with Cas lying completely on top of Dean, and Cas couldn’t have been more comfortable. But now, while they were alone, Cas knew he needed to force Dean to talk about this.

“Dean…” Cas began, “You know we have to talk about this.”

“I know. I just don’t wanna.”

“Well why not? We only have a few weeks left until graduation. We should probably figure this out.”

“It’s just… well after the accident, no college will give me a scholarship. My leg is still pretty messed up. I mean, they had to put in screws. You know I can’t play. And even if my leg wasn’t an issue, the accident was enough of an issue to never get a scholarship. How am I supposed to go to college?”

“Dean, you have good grades. You can get an academic scholarship.”

“Yeah, but it won’t be enough. It won’t cover it all. Cas, I don’t think I’m going to be able to go to college…” That was the last thing Cas wanted to hear. Secretly, he had always imagined him and Dean going off to college together, maybe even living together.

“There has to be a way. What are you going to do otherwise?”

“I don’t know…” Cas lifted up his head from Dean’s chest to look him in the eyes. He wasn’t prepared for the sadness, the look of someone who was completely lost, in Dean’s forest green eyes. They laid together in silence for a while, both thinking.

“Well, I mean, I don’t have to go to college. I wouldn’t make as much, sure, but I know Uncle Bobby would always let me apprentice at his shop. Being a mechanic doesn’t pay too bad, and I love the work. But I’d have to stay here…” Cas heard the hesitation in Dean’s voice.

“Well, if you stay here, then I stay here,” Cas said, voice absolute.

“Cas, you can’t do that. You’re beyond smart. I can’t have you staying here just because of me.”

Cas thought for a moment before replying, “Well, KU is only twenty minutes away. Plus, I want to go to be a writer, minimal talking and all,” Cas said with a laugh. “KU has a good writing program. That way, we would only be twenty minutes apart. And you can stay the night with me all the time without having to plan it around my mom’s schedule.”

Dean was silent for a while. “Cas, I’m serious, don’t just stay here because of me. If you want to go to school somewhere else, you need to go.”

“Dean, I don’t want to be without you. So if I can go to school only twenty minutes away, I’m going to. Plus, I already got accepted…”

“You what?!” Dean said, obvious hurt in his voice, “And you didn’t think to tell me this until now why?”

“I wanted to have this talk first. I wanted to know what you wanted. And now it’s settled, I’m going to KU.”

Dean tilted his head to brush his lips across Castiel’s forehead. “Well, then I guess it is. I’ll talk to Bobby tomorrow, see what he can do.”

Feeling rather content with how their conversation went, Castiel wrapped his arms under Dean’s shoulders, holding him even tighter. “I love you Dean.”

Cas felt Dean press a few kisses to his forehead before replying, “I love you too, baby.”

 

***

 

Before they knew it, it was graduation day. Cas could feel the butterflies dancing in his stomach when he walked on stage to get his diploma. He could hear Dean cheering over everyone in the crowd. He sat back down and waited for Dean’s name to be called, since he was third to last. When he finally got up there, Cas clapped loudly, smiling and beaming with pride as he watched his boyfriend hop off the stage.

The second graduation was over, Cas found Dean and gave him a tender kiss before pulling him over to where Sam and Cas’s mom were seated. His mom was crying, and wrapped him in a big hug, mumbling how proud she was of him into his shoulder.

Cas looked over to see Dean and Sam, both a little teary eyed as they gave each other tight hugs. When Cas’s mom finally let him go, he went over and hugged Sam, who hugged back happily.

Neither boy wanted a huge graduation party, so Cas’s mom made cherry and blueberry pies and they grilled burgers. A couple relatives of Cas’s stopped by to congratulate him, but most had gotten that out of the way at the ceremony.

They spent the night watching movies and eating junk food. Cas’s mom had gotten the day off by agreeing to work the night shift, so she headed to work after congratulating both boys for the hundredth time. His mom had agreed to let the Winchester’s stay the night, and they all agreed to have a scary movie marathon.

“You’ve seriously never seen any of the Halloween movies? Friday the 13th?!” Cas just shook his head. “Nightmare on Elm Street?!” Cas looked away, and shook his head again but Dean tackled him to the ground. “How the hell haven’t you seen those?!” Cas just shrugged and got up to push in _The Exorcism of Emily Rose_.

“I hope you aren’t scared easily, because this movie will have you shitting bricks,” Dean said with a laugh. Unfortunately for Cas, he was scared easily, and found himself with his head buried into Dean’s neck before the movie was even halfway over.

By the time it was over, Cas was completely sitting in Dean’s lap with only one of his eyes on the screen since his head was buried into Dean’s shoulder. He probably would have started crying if it weren’t for Dean rubbing circles into his back and kissing him every time he jumped.

“How about something a little less scary?” Cas had been so terrified that he hadn’t noticed Sam wore the exact same terrified expression as he did. They both quickly agreed.

They ending up watching the Halloween movies until two in the morning. Sam had passed out on the couch after the first movie had ended, but Cas was too riled up to even think about sleep. Dean, however, was getting sleepy. So with Castiel still sitting in his lap, he got up and carried them both up to Cas’s room.

They quickly changed and crawled into bed, Castiel immediately burying his face into Dean’s neck and wrapping his arms around him. Getting comfortable, Castiel whispered, “I love you Dean and I’m so, so proud of you. You’re amazing.” Castiel was concerned when he didn’t receive a response, but lifting his head he was greeted by the sight of Dean completely passed out under him. Castiel smiled, nuzzled back into Dean’s neck, and tried to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry for the lack of updates. This semester kicked my ass. 
> 
> This chapter is basically just fluff to convey how sorry I am. I based this mainly on my experience of moving into college dorms whilst trying not to have like fifty panic attacks. Oh well. I have a few more chapters in mind, pretty much all fluff, and I'll try not to take so long to update this time.

Castiel stared at his now empty room. Everything he owned packed into boxes. He felt a little overwhelmed and a lot sadder than he ever anticipated. Castiel knew he’d probably come home every few weeks, whenever his mom had time off, but it still felt weird. Somehow wrong.

Dean sat on Cas’s bed, staring at him. He could feel Dean’s eyes on him. But he just wanted to sit in silence for a while, to take a moment to let his anxiety settle before taking the boxes downstairs to his mom’s waiting car.

He was moving into the dorms at KU today. Luckily, due to his selective mutism and the fact that he was still only seventeen, he was able to convince the school to give him a single. No weird roommate, no new person to try to figure out living arrangements with. No new person Cas would have to find a way to communicate with since talking was still out of the question.

Cas had been getting better with the talking, but only to Dean, and the instances were still few and far between. He spoke randomly, usually only when necessary. Thankfully, even though that dynamic of their relationship had changed a bit, Dean was still content with Castiel’s silence.

The summer had passed without much excitement. Dean and Cas spent a lot of time together, but Dean had started working at Bobby’s. He spent every weekday and a couple Saturday’s each month working on cars, saving money for college. Dean’s work schedule wasn’t Cas’s favorite, but since Cas never had anything going on, anytime they could be they were together.

Cas continued staring at the boxes, his anxiety increasing. He knew that college wasn’t going to be a whole lot different than high school, but he was still nervous. For one, he had only turned seventeen a couple of weeks ago. Being surrounded by a bunch of twenty something college students was intimidating. Silently, he thanked his selective mutism for giving him a single. Cas was pretty sure that friends weren’t going to come out of the wood work and Dean promised to stay with Cas every chance he could. Cas was definitely looking forward to those nights.

Slowly, Cas tore his eyes away from the boxes and extending his hand out to Dean. Dean grabbed it and pulled himself off the bed. Without a word, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean tightly, trying to shut out the anxiety that was building. Dean hugged Castiel tightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“What’s wrong Cas? Nervous?” Cas just shook his head in the affirmative, hugging back a little tighter.

“Cas, you know that this is nothing to worry about right? Sure it will be different. But I’m only a fifteen minute drive away, and now that I have Baby up and running again, I’ll be able to come visit you whenever you want. And I can take you out on dates now that I got a little money. We can go to the movie theater that is right across from your dorm. And I can spend the night with you, squished together on your tiny little dorm bed. Yeah, it’s different. But it’ll be okay Cas. I’m just a phone call away and even if you don’t want to talk, I can do all the talking and you don’t have to respond.”

Cas chose not to respond, instead letting Dean’s voice soothe away his anxiety. He never got tired of listening to Dean’s voice. After Cas a while, Cas slowly pulled away from Dean enough to kiss him chastely. “I love you Dean.”

“Love you too Cas. Now, you ready?” Cas agreed and grabbed a box.

 

***

 

After putting together his room and consoling his crying mom who “just couldn’t believe her little baby was growing up so fast,” Cas and Dean found themselves sitting on Cas’s not very comfortable dorm bed, staring out the window to watch the other incoming freshmen.

Luckily, since it was Saturday and Dean didn’t have to work tomorrow, they had both agreed that Dean would be staying the night which Cas was incredibly thankful for. Despite the fact that Cas had spent a lot of time home alone when his mom was at work, this felt different. He was actually going to be completely alone, living someplace where he knew no one. A place that was completely and terrifyingly unknown to him. Cas wasn’t ready to face that quite yet.

Looking over at Dean who was playing absently on his phone, Cas leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s cheek. Not feeling able to speak at the moment, Cas pushed Dean back on the bed and laid on top of him, burrowing his head into Dean’s neck. They laid together for a while until both boys were bored and starving. After ordering a pizza, the two settle back into Cas’s bed and decided on a Star Wars marathon to wind down Cas’s first night in the dorms. Cas wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep.

When Cas awoke the next morning, the first thing his sleep ridden mind put together was the fact that this was not his bedroom. Anxiety crept into Cas’s mind until he pieced together where he was. He had drifted from Dean in the night and suddenly feeling very alone, Cas grabbed Dean and pulled himself flush against him. Dean made sleepy noises of protest but was back asleep before Cas had even gotten settled.

Unable to fall back asleep, Cas laid next to Dean processing the strangeness of this new aspect of his life while drawing shapes into Dean’s skin. Cas was still worried, but as long as Dean saw him as often as he promised Cas was pretty sure he could survive. With a newfound sense of calm, Cas pressed a long kiss to Dean’s neck before continuing to draw shapes on Dean’s naked upper body. Cas knew that with Dean by his side, everything would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> comments appreciated! buckywlnchester.tumblr.com


End file.
